Thursday, December 30, 2010

There is all the difference in the world between having something to say and having to say something. ~ John Dewey

Communication is the imparting of information and ideas.  It does not require an exchange between two entities.  Conversation is the interchange of information and ideas but requires a give and take between two or more entities.  

In this modern day, there are numerous ways to communicate.  We talk on phones, we send instant messages, texts and tweets.  We telecommute and video chat and e-mail.  We update our status and post pictures of our latest escapades on social networking sites. 

Occasionally we even speak face to face and on the rarest of occasions we might send a letter.

The 21st century has brought about a world where human beings are no longer separated by space and time. We communicate instantaneously. Twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week, virtual villagers roam the globe electronically.  We connect over vast distances. We exchange ideas, share our lives and create communities that are void of human touch, yet rich in thought and imagination.
But are we better off?  While we have several ways to communicate, we are forgetting how to converse.  It's a general observation and a focused self-criticism since I find I am losing the art of conversation myself. 

I recently bumped into an old high school friend while out shopping over the holidays.  (I use the term friend because that is his status on my social networking site... not acquaintance or some guy I had a couple of classes with twenty years ago.)  For lack of a better word, I was struck with stage fright.   I didn't know what to say.  Thanks to the wonderful inventions of Facebook and Myspace, I already knew quite a lot about what he has been up to over the past twenty years.  Even so, I didn't think it prudent to ask about his divorce, how he was doing since being laid off, or even about the wild party last week.  I'd already seen the pictures.

In the course of advertising the details of our lives, I am concerned that we may be in the process of making conversation obsolete. I don't need to ask about your vacation because you have already tweeted about every landmark, giant ball of twine and roadside museum. Those little ear bud phones seem to require loud conversations in public spaces about private matters. Why send Christmas or birthday cards through the mail when you can just post it to your home page or zap it through your e-mail at the last minute? I've been at gatherings and watched several people bent over their phones texting madly while ignoring the person seated next to them. Or even worse, they are texting each other at the party. To someone that straddles the world between iPhones and the days when television only had about 6 channels, this is bizarre behavior. But to my 12 year old this is quite normal.

We are becoming a generation of screen watchers.  We have to dot our communiques with LOL in order to let the reader know that something is a joke.  More and more children are finding it hard to discern the emotions of others simply because they are not attuned to facial expressions and body language as being a part of conversations.  (and yes, the irony of blogging this topic is not lost on the author...LOL)

What is my suggestion to stop this?  Maybe we should put down the Blackberry or Iphone when we are within two feet of another living, breathing human being.  Perhaps instead of forwarding me a picture of your food, invite me to dinner.  Instead of alerting everyone that you are at the coffee shop with Joel, give Joel your full attention and enjoy your coffee. 

Don't get me wrong, I get a strange sense of fulfillment being able to tag little comments onto status updates or posted photos.  I've reconnected with some old friends that time and circumstances had moved out of my life.  But I actually find it sad to say that while there are hundreds of people with the friend status on my Facebook page, I only really talk face to face with about a dozen of them. 

I guess the upside to all of this hyper-connectedness is that the Internet has saved many a soul from the alienation and loneliness that can sometimes come with the inadequacies of life.

And that's the difference between having something to say and feeling like you just have to say something.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old. Mary Schmich

They say you are only as old as you feel.

I will be forty years old in a few days.  That is the physical age of my body, but not my true age.  In my mind, I'm still a twenty something.  (I'm also about fifty pounds lighter and have no grey hair, but that's another post.) 

I've known people in their eighties who are still full of vim and vigor, setting out on new adventures on a daily basis.  Likewise, I've also come across young kids who are so stodgy and set in their ways that they seem to be decades older.  The happiest seem to be the ones living life like they are younger than their actual age.

Now, I'm not living in denial.  I know my body is getting older.  My knees are starting to creak when they bend.  I make involuntary noises getting up out of chairs.  I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night earlier and earlier.  But I'm not dead yet!

So, with this knowledge in my mind, I make a vow.  I vow to keep my eye on the future without forgetting the past.  I will seek out new adventures. I will not let disappointments from the past prevent me from doing things in the present.  I will sing and dance with the carefree abandon of childhood.  I will share my knowledge with others, but I wont expect them to listen.

Happy birthday to me and to all of my fellow Sagittariuses.  To everyone else.... have a very happy un-birthday to you!